Editing Old Books

Hey internet!

Ok, as you can see from the title, I am editing my old book. I want to know if you guys want to see what  have done so far. I think it is pretty good, but I want others true and honest opinion. I am going to post the bits that I have done so far and share it. Please be completely honest and tell me if I should work on a specific area or if I should just keep it the way it is!

So without further or do... my book!

-M

Chapter 1

     

Imagine, there is a beautiful sunset. The sky above the mountain tops are glowing pink and orange, with a tint of green and blue. The trees and the long golden grass blow slightly in the wind. The birds are chirping and the dogs are sitting lazily with their eyelids barely staying open in the nice summer evening. Everything seems normal and peaceful until…she arrives. Erin walks down the street in her neon blue high tops and torn up shorts, the plain black tank-top is cut over her belly button and is cut and tied up to her rib cage. Her hair is cut short, and is dyed black with a bit of purple on the ends. She has been told that her best features are her eyes, but she didn’t think they were anything special. They glow a bright silver and green, a beautiful combination. On her back was a big black bag that had little shiny blue and green tags tied to the handle. She had a bronze key on a chain around her neck with gems that are white like pearls and grey like a pleasant spring morning. The chain was weaved with the same gems but much smaller, so small you might not see them at the first glance. Inside the eye of the key there is a small dragon made out of the same gems. If you look close enough you can almost see it blink at you, maybe even smile.

****

As Erin walks down the street she looks around and sees the dogs run under the porches or inside through the doggy doors, mothers rush their children inside, and old men get off their rocking chairs. She is used to this, this has happened to her all the time growing up. Everyone just seemed to know that she was different, and thought it was a bad thing. Both of her parents died when she was just eight months old. Her grandfather raised her, he is the one that gave her the key. At that moment she was too deep in thought to see the car zooming by. He honked his horn, she had no time to move but was pulled out of the way, just in time. She turned around to see a small scrawny boy with huge hands and baggy clothes. 

“Geez, Thanks…” Scowling, she dusted herself off and looked up to her “rescuer”. The boy was at least a foot taller than her, very skinny and looked as if a strong enough gust of wind came he would blow away. His long thin hair covered half of his narrow face, on his short crooked nose was perched a small pair of square glasses, hiding his bright hazel eyes. His lips were just as skinny as the rest of him, and she wondered the last time he had eaten something. Or where it goes when he does eat.

“You’re welcome.” His sassy tone almost matched hers. He had kind of a squeaky voice and not to deep but deeper than most boys his age. He also had a slight British accent, it wasn’t very thick but it was still enough to sound English.

She smiled a fake smile of gratitude and then looked down to grab her bag which fell off when he pulled her out of the way. But as she did she saw a flash of bright light coming from around his neck. She stood up again and swung the bag over her shoulders and looked at the boy’s chest. There sat a small bronze key, it was the same design of jewels as hers. The dragon on the inside was more fat than bold. She was astonished.

"What?”

She was still in shock but looked up at him with a more serious glare. “Your key…it’s…its cool.” Nodding as she talked, Erin was trying not to make a scene and just moved on. She walked with a little limp after being almost scraped off the road. The boy didn’t move, he seemed to be expecting something.

“Looking for something?” She snapped. His eyes were locked on the sunset with a worried look on his face. He broke his gaze and stood there awkwardly. Muttering something about having to catch a train.

“Well, bye.” He was still standing there even after she spoke.

“Is something wrong?” She cocked her head from side to side in front of this weird boy. He didn’t reply, but just stood there. I should leave, but what if he doesn’t move? Nah, not my problem. She thought. He suddenly grabbed her arms, his eyes were now as white as fresh milk and had small red veins weaving along his eye. He stared into her eyes and whispered something that she couldn’t make out. His grip began to loosen when she heard a familiar voice call from a street or two over.

“Could you possibly stop freaking me out? I need to go.” As soon as she spoke the last word he jumped up off her and looked as though he had no idea what just happened.

“Did I do something stupid? Or say something to you?” He was now very pale, seemed to be sick. His eyes were back to their original shade.

“Nope,” She lied. “Just said something about missing a train…” She smiled again, a fake one, and then turned around and started running. Her grandfather was going to kill her if she wasn’t home by dark. As she reached the corner of the street, she turned back to see if he was still there, but he wasn’t. She shrugged and moved on.

****

Walking home through the woods alone in the dark was scary enough, but add the noises and growling, it’s terrifying. But Erin walked with a steady pace, she still had a small hobble from being pushed onto the ground. She had better not limp when her grandfather sees her, and mentioning the strange boy was not a talk she wanted to have. Nothing felt normal to her. She never knew what it was like to be normal. Her grandfather had taught her to be one her guard for everything that was out there. He taught her his ways since she was able to walk, and he made sure she could defend herself.  He always told her before she went to bed, to not be afraid of being scared. Being scared meant that she was human. The dark had engulfed around her. Her vision was limited, putting down her bag she pulled out a flashlight. She heard a twig branch snap behind her. Whipping around with knife in hand she pinned someone to the ground.

“Please don’t kill me…” A small whimper came from a slightly familiar voice, to her surprise, the boy that saved her today was laying on the damp ground with life in her hands. She lowered the knife but not her guard.

“It’s you!” He exclaimed. “What are you doing out here by yourself?” He seemed pretty chatting for almost having his throat slit. He babbled on about losing his dog as she put away her knife.

“Why are you here? And why are you following me?” It was obvious that he was following her, the small footsteps she heard while walking through different paths. She knew she wasn’t alone but she didn’t know he was the one following her.

“I wasn’t following…you…” He lied.

She opened her mouth to yell at him when she heard the most blood curdling scream. It was coming from all around them. The scream was long and more of a howl. I didn’t sound like any animal she had heard. She kneeled down beside her bag and pulled out a huge hand pistol. This pistol was much different than any other normal hand pistol the boy had seen. This one had glowing green strips along the side and had lots of different sized buttons with funny looking symbols.

“Um, what the heck is-. “ Slamming her hand to his mouth, left a sudden silence on them. Nothing moved, nothing. She caught her breath and switched on the gun, it whirled and sparked into life. The eerie silence made her feel even more uncomfortable. They had no way of seeing where this thing was, or had any high ground. The dense trees blocked every view they might have had.

“Something is touching me…something has my arm…” Cory’s face bubbled with fear. He closed his eyes and crunched his nose. Clenched his fist and swung around hard hitting nothing but cold air.

“Stop yelling!” She tried to whisper but he was yelling so loud she had to scream.

“Hey! Shut up!” He stopped immediately

 “What was holding me?”

 “You idiot…it’s only a branch. Now thanks to your screaming like a little girl, it knows where we are. Well at least the general area. I know these things have a very good sense of sound not sight. Oh crud,” She never finished her thought. Her mind trailed off thinking about things her grandfather would tell her during training.

“I wasn’t screaming like a little girl. It was my battle cry.” He awkwardly pushed his glasses back on the bridge of his nose and shut up. Erin was still thinking, half paying attention to what was around her and half on her thoughts. What did papa used to say? What was it that was always important? The screeching/howling was closer, the boy was holding his hand over his mouth covering either a sob or a cry in fear.

“I remember!” She whispered to herself. The creature must have been nearby because it let out another shriek. She bolted. Not caring about the boy anymore, he found his way here and could find his way out.

“You aren’t going to let it get me are you?” Erin screamed as she turned to hear the boy whispering in her ear.

“If you come any closer, I will let the thing have you…” She growled. She then stopped, the realization struck.

“How do you know what it is? Have you seen it? Can you hear it?” She was whipping out as many questions as she could think of. She could hear the hard pound of the creature coming closer. The boy had no time to answer, but only grabbed her hand and started running. She soon shook loose his grip and ran harder and faster to get in the front.

Only I have been able to see the creatures…How can he?  Her face went pale and so did his when the scream came back.

“What…is…it?” His face was that of a 6 year old going through a haunted house. She didn’t know what to do with him. She just met him and didn’t know if he was real or just hearing a different sound.

“What do you hear…describe it to me?” She needed him to talk fast so they came get the heck out of there.

“It is horrible, creepy and…unhuman almost.” She almost looked overjoyed to hear this. She motioned for him to follow and they started running again. He must have been the most confused person at that moment. Hearing strange sounds, running with and following strange girls. Weirdest day for him.

They jumped over rotten logs and ran through small creeks, until they had reached it. A small pitiful tree house.

“Come on!” She motioned without a smile, watching her back as well as his. He walked over and looked up at the large tree with a mangled mess of rotting wood planks and damp rope.

“I don’t do to well with heights…I never have been…I –.” She didn’t care if this made him uncomfortable, she shoved him up the ladder and told him to climb faster. He soon reached the top and she quickly followed. Once they both scrambled to the top, the boy was finally able to rest. Breathing heavily he asked.

“What’s your name?” He was out of breath and was struggling to get words out.  But she sighed and stuck out her hand to shake and said,

“The name’s Erin, Erin Gale…” As they shook hands the boy said,

“I’m Cory, just Cory.” They both out of breath smiled and looked at the moon rising high in the sky, waiting for the creature to come.

***** 

“So, this thing that’s chasing us…what is it exactly?” Cory was tying a few ropes together to make them more of a sturdy lasso to catch it.

“Do you really want to know?” The boy nodded and then sat up straighter waiting for her to tell him all about this strange creature.

 “It is called a Swalc…you will see soon enough why. And don’t worry you won’t have to do anything. I have been trained in this sort of…thing.” She was cut off by another horrible scream from the monster, or Swalc that chasing them, it was in sight now. She turned around, pulled her hair from her face and stopped. The monster was ugly. It had huge razor sharp claws and long skinny legs. Its head looked misshaped and deformed. It had 4 eyes and 2 mouths. Its nose was curled down like someone bent it. In its mouths had sharp pointy teeth and foam dripping from them. Cory had no idea what to do, he had never seen anything like this before.

 “Oi, ugly! Over here!” Cory tried put his hand over Erin’s mouth but she ran to the other end of the wooden platform and yelled more insults.

“I’m up here! Come and get me!” She was mocking it in silly motions. Cory was petrified.  What the heck is she doing? She is going to kill me…

“Hey, I would like to live to see tomorrow, so if you could just shut up that would be great.” He tried to whisper in her ear as she was running all over the place trying to get the creatures attention. The creature looked as though this tree house platform was good enough and started slowly climbing.

“Now you’ve done it…I am going to die.” Cory sat to the floor, back against the tree whimpering to himself.

“Oh be quiet. I know what I am doing.” It finally reached the top and could be seen more clearly now. On its right eye there is a strange pattern, like a whirlpool swirling down. It opened its mouth and let off another shriek. Both kids covered their ears as the black eyed creature came closer. Erin ran and hid in the small hut in the tree, and Cory was about to step in when the thing spoke. To his surprise it sounded more of a human then he thought it might be.

“Where are you?” The H’s were emphasized on each syllable. Cory was still huddled in the corner, not daring to move. She rolled her eyes and stepped out.

“Who knew huh? I never expected to see a Swalc so ugly before. Why is that a bit of drool on your chin?” Cory was confused as any person might be.

“How dare you! I have never looked more terrifying to humans before!” The deep crackly voice echoed off every tree in the area. Cory couldn’t disagree, the thing was terrifying.

“I don’t know, what do you think Cory? Ugly? Or Scary?” Her sarcasm must be something she wants to do before she dies but at the last word she winked at him to play along. Her eyes told the whole story.

“Hmm,” He said trying to sound as though he was pondering this deep thought. “I don’t know, not too shabby. You could do some work on your teeth, their much too straight. Oh yeah and that foam, its dripping ever where. Might want to get that checked.” He didn’t know what the heck he was doing. Cory sounded more like a judge on a fashion show rather than telling some creature he isn’t scary enough. His heart was pounding, but it sank even lower when the Swalc came closer, the hot breath on his face felt like the fire he was going to face after death.

“Calm down, he was just giving an opinion.” She rolled her eyes and picked up a twig and threw it over the edge.

“Now…what do you want?” She sighed asking this as though there was a 5 year old asking for a cookie.

“Tell me not what I want, but what you have…”

“Hmm, yeah I have no idea what the heck you’re talking about, so I am just going to go. Bye!” She grabbed Cory by the collar and pulled him to the rope over the edge. He looked down, his head spinning from the 100 foot drop he was going to have to his death. The creature shrieked again and came running after them.

“Now, go! Jump!” He didn’t hesitate, he jumped off. The rope in his hand was burning as he slid down. When he reached the bottom which felt like years later he looked up.

Minutes passed and no Erin.

“Um, are you ok Erin?” He scratched the back of his neck and then scuffed the dirt beneath his feet. No motion, maybe he should go up. Then came a scream. Not a shriek a scream, a human scream. He scrambled up the rope as fast as he could, taking the gun with him. It fell out of Erin’s bag while they were climbing.

“Shoot it! Now!” He hesitated, trying to take aim and shot, the blast was so strong it threw him back, blowing him off the edge of the platform. He could feel the cold air rushing beneath him, then nothing, nothing but pain.